It has definitely been a while since I last wrote. I started a new job, gotten two temporary crowns and have spent time trying to help my mother-in-law who hasn’t been well since her move to Kansas.
The fork in the road for me is regarding work. I nearly quit one day because of a devastating event at work. While I won’t disclose what happened, it was painful and made me question whether I want to continue teaching at this school. I was hired to teach special education but have spent the hours teaching middle school science instead. There is still the expectation I do the special ed. part to. There are new government forms to learn, new programs I am to be learning and implementing and new students I am to figure out how to reach. Individually, these would be doable but together it is overwhelming.
I watched the Steve Job commencement speech that they played on his death and it reinforced to me that I am not on the path I wanted to be on. I know I chose to do this job as I desire to help others and because I wanted a sense of economic security. Somehow though it doesn’t feel like enough.
I got a good evaluation from my boss the other day. I wanted to just yell though that if I were doing what I knew something about they would see what a good job was.
Do I dare make the move and if I do, can I make it work? i work on my rug hooking most nights to try to relieve the stress of work. Some days I leave at 6:30 and get home around 5:45. Then it is usually a few more hours in to try to feel like I have my head above water for the next day. Needless to say, I feel exhasuted.
Maybe the break at Thanksgiving will help me get rested up and make my thinking clearer.